Six years ago my father asked me to break my sister’s trust. He neededa document that my sister was writing on the computer. ”Needed,” the overstatement of the century. I see this now, looking back–it’s too late now though.
She was at some after school activity, the extraction of this document was done in such an underhanded and sneaky way. I feel like an asshole now for obeying my father. That’s what I did and still do. Of course as I was getting the document my sister walked into the house. She saw this happening and her hands went straight for my neck. I was 17 and she was 16 maybe 15; I don’t remember. I do remember her incredible strength as she knocked me out of my chair and started to strangle me. The computer copied her secrets that I never read, but that our father used against her for years. Ammunition.
Almost 7 years have passed since my father acquired her teenage secrets; stories of how she deceived him and my mom, her stories of sex and drugs and God knows what else. To make a novel length story short; a ton of drama ensued. My father is a good man a really good man, who unfortunatly made very, very, very bad choices when it came to raising one his daughters. I think his being an immigrant twice over, once when he was a teen then again when he had to raise his children, played a huge roll.
My father asking me as a teenager to break the bond I had with my sister still leaves a huge gap between us. In fact sometimes we hear each other’s voice and want to lash out at each other, regardless of a compliment or criticsm. She claims I do not love her, and is still angry about the decision I made to obey my father. She says I am the prodigy, the one who will not disappoint. I regret every day that I listened to my father who only shares half of my DNA instead of having him get a stranger to extract the files. He didn’t really need me, he didn’t need that document. I should have kept that bond with her. What was I thinking when I listened to him?
Now she and my father argue about the idea of her moving back home after being gone for almost ten years. She and him rehash the past, her style of living, her current state of depression. I feel very much responsible for how fucked up she is and was and the crap she has gone through. I feel like I could have done a lot to make her better, to help her and our father’s relationship.
Something happens when a girl and her daddy have a relationship that isn’t right. I pray for her and I try to talk to her but she and I communicate on a very artifical level. I feel like her, helpless.
I do think that her living with my father and mother again is a horrible idea. I have voiced this, with my loud Italian voice. I know this is short and unclear and there is so much of this story missing, but I needed to vent.
Please pray for the blackest sheep.
Tags: depresssion, dysfunctional family, family, Fathers and Daughters, relationship
