I hate my sister’s boyfriend.
The first day I met him I knew I wouldn’t like him and although I gave him a chance I still find my opinion of him has not changed.
My sister and him have been dating for about 2 or 3 years. Although this is a long time, their relationship seems to be one of convenience. He is with her because she is smart and beautiful. She is with him because she’s afraid to be alone and thinks she can’t do any better. It saddens me that she has settled for this guy who is so unambitious and lazy. Meanwhile she covers many of his expenses and works so hard to shuffle school and work. Although, it seems that this releationship is starting to take a toll on her. She returns home from his place and is in a horrible mood, has been sleeping way too much and is constantly negative.
My family has welcomed him into our home with open arms (I know, cliche). It’s true though. He lives very close to our house and is welcome to our refrigerator and eats dinner at our house almost every night. When he does join us for dinner, he drinks his beer and eats and barely speaks. I think I would be okay with this, if when he spoke he would be polite. He instead condescends to my sister, talking to her as if she were a moron. He not only gets an attitude with my sister who he dating, he gets rude with my younger sister. He also flirts with her. He has not been a positive contribution to our family.
He is 26 years old and openly flirts with my younger, 16 year old sister. He does this in front of us also. My younger sister shows her discomfort but he continues to do act like this. His unexcusable behavior towards the youngest member and most caring person in our family won’t be tolerated by me for much longer.
This evening when he began to speak to my sister with disrespect I nearly lost it. I discussed it with my parents. I warned them that if I continued to see my sister’s boyfriend acting like this I would say something. My mother suggested I talk to her first. I don’t know. I think that she will take it wrong if I say something. I don’t really know what to do, but I do know I can’t hold my tongue much longer. I also think if this continues he could become more abusive when we aren’t watching.
Any suggestions?
Tags: abusive relationship, boyfriend, disrespect, Random, rude
October 23, 2008 at 11:26 pm |
I was in an abusive relationship for 5 years, and I still don’t know what to tell you about what you can do for your sister. It will probably take her a long time to come to grips with this person and his effect on her and the people who love her, and as you said, she might take what you say the wrong way. But it does help to know that there are people who support her, if and when she should decide to leave.
Reading some books on abuse helped me, though this was after the relationship had already dissolved. I don’t know how “legitimate” the authors are — for example, I don’t know if they have a psychology degree or were a counselor, and I don’t know if they might consider som — or if that matters to you or your sister. Some of this stuff is common sense, though perhaps hard to see after you’ve already been in a relationship for so long, so it may or may not help your sister.
Lundy Bancroft “Why Does He Do That?” (or something simi.ar) and Patricia… somebody. Sorry, I don’t have the books on me/
October 23, 2008 at 11:37 pm |
Thanks for the advice. Her birthday is coming up so I might get her a book like that.